Don’t You Know Who I AM?
August 12th, 2010
I need to get something off my chest today. My very considerable, heaving, panting chest, that is. (Sorry—I’ve been watching too much Skinemax lately. But I can’t help it when the writing and acting in those late night movies is just so amazing. “The Devil Wears Nada”? Pure genius.)
As most of you know, I was just at the big BlogHer10 conference in NYC. I had a fabulous time that I’ll tell you all about once the gag order’s been lifted, but it seems that there was an “issue” that arose among quite a few of the attendees. Like the sexy, super hot issue that arises in the pizza guy’s pants whenever he’s delivering his spicy, hot pepperoni stick, if you know what I mean. Whooooo!
(Okay, fine. I’ll ask my husband to set up the parental controls on our DVR. But not until I’ve watched “The Hills Have Thighs” later tonight with my close friend Tito’s Tequila.)
Anyway, this controversial blogger issue isn’t about whether or not the NYC Hilton nickle and dimed everyone to death (they did) or if Marinka mentioned 2,048 damn times that she’s a “Voice of the Year” (she did) or even if I grabbed more than my fair share of free Spanx from the swag room (oh, hells, yes, I did).
No, the real issue is that quite a few of the women felt like they were outright snubbed by some “big” bloggers when they went up to meet them. Yeah, I know—SNUBBED! At a blogging conference! That’s like not getting into the roped-off VIP section of a PTO meeting. Incredible!
But you know what? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I may have been the one doing the snubbing action. Yeah, ME. Wendi “Tha Dream” Aarons. In fact, I’m just now starting to remember all of those times women introduced themselves to me and I just stuck my nose in the air like I smelled something bad, then had my handlers Ann and Julie give them a neck punch and steal their Jimmy Dean sausage alarm clocks. Oh, yeah. It’s true. I simply cannot be bothered with the hoi polloi.
But why did I do this? Why did I snub other bloggers? Why was I such a beeyotch?
Well, here’s why I’m better than you:
1. Last year I made over $0.00 from my blog. This year I hope to DOUBLE that.
2. I am currently in negotiations to have banner ads for an adult diaper company on my site.
3. I once got a comment from “Anonymous” that said I wasn’t “that stupid for a dumb jackass.” (Squee!)
4. Because of my huge, incredible blog, I regularly receive perks like half-eaten sandwiches and used tissues.
5. My monthly page views are nearly at the level of Kato Kaelin’s daily traffic.
6. It’s very stressful to constantly write about such hot button topics as Barry Manilow and cat food. I mean, I can’t be expected to smile and greet someone when I’m so emotionally raw, can I?
7. I’m constantly invited to exclusive blogger events, such as last year’s “Boone’s Farm Pity Party In Da Clozet” and therefore must get my beauty sleep so I’m at my very best.
8. Due to my gigantic fan base, I’m always in fear of being stalked. In fact, I’m currently petitioning the FBI to open a case file on me so my life is no longer in grave danger.
9. With a culturally significant blog like mine, I must always protect my online reputation. That’s why the only people I follow on Twitter are Jesus Christ, the Dalai Lama and shirtless teenage werewolves.
10. Finally, just think about it: if your blog has only a few readers, what good are you to me? Please go talk to the cater waiters and leave me alone in my fabulousness. My swollen ego can’t even be contained by my five pairs of Spanx and a rusty socket wrench.
So that’s it. Those are all of my (very understandable) reasons for being a jerk to other people at BlogHer. I hope that I’ve helped everyone come to a better understanding of why someone would ever treat others disrespectfully. Why someone would think they’re better than other women who just want to briefly say “hi” and “I love your writing.”
And so, as you go through this life,I implore you to just remember that some people are bigger, more important and a lot more special than you.
Either that or they’re just complete assholes.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
66 Comments
Add your own1. gigi | August 12th, 2010 at 9:11 am
Can you please come to my house in ATX and teach me how to be this funny? I wrote a pretty damn funny “I’m passing on BlogHer” post but it wasn’t funny like this is funny.
Come on, I *am* a friend of Diane’s. I pay in liquor!
One of my fave posts from BlogHer.
2. the mama bird diaries | August 12th, 2010 at 9:27 am
If Ann or Julie quit, I’d like to interview to be one of your handlers.
3. Kizz | August 12th, 2010 at 9:28 am
So THAT’s what happened to my Jimmy Dean Sausage Alarm Clock. Should have known.
At the risk of not being funny, it was lovely to meet you and thanks for the fabulous party! You didn’t serve Boone’s Farm, which was kind of disappointing, but the rest of it was really nice. I think I’m going to go back to the bar and see if the waiter wants to get married. It’s been a long time since a guy has brought me such yummy food and so consistently, too!
4. Jennifer | August 12th, 2010 at 9:29 am
It IS such a brutal road to navigate, isn’t it? I’m quite sure that all the other bloggers were so intimidated by me that they pretended they had no idea who I was. So transparent.
5. Issa | August 12th, 2010 at 9:35 am
I feel so special now. Because I got to talk to you. I must have just showered.
Marinka told you I was okay right? I mean I paid her for that service. In return I said to everyone I met, hi my name is Marinka’s PR. Did you hear she is a voice of the year?
In the end I think it worked out well for us both.
6. Invader_Stu | August 12th, 2010 at 9:39 am
I wondered why the FBI were sending me cease and desist letters.
7. Marinka | August 12th, 2010 at 9:44 am
Voice of the Decade, dammit.
8. The Other Wendi | August 12th, 2010 at 9:46 am
Drama at BlogHer? Shocking. Then again, I’ve been waiting to read the recaps to find out what theme this year’s drama took.
9. Amanda Black | August 12th, 2010 at 9:48 am
Maybe you set your sights higher….hopefully you can triple your blog income this year.
10. Tweets that mention Wendi&hellip | August 12th, 2010 at 9:49 am
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Issascrazyworld and mama bird diaries, Wendi Aarons. Wendi Aarons said: (Now with fixed link): Why I was WAY to important to talk to you at BlogHer. New post: http://tinyurl.com/2apym7n [...]
11. ann | August 12th, 2010 at 9:51 am
Maybe it was the “KEYNOTE 09″ embossed Naugahyde jacket…
12. avasmommy | August 12th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Issa (Issascrazyworld) sent me here.
I’m glad to see you had your reasons at least.
Personally, I’m so busy with my exclusive Huggies Diapers dropped on the floor by an insane toddler party that I couldn’t be bothered to even go to BlogHer.
13. Miss Britt | August 12th, 2010 at 10:00 am
I was going to write a tell-all post about how you refused to go to lunch with Marinka once you found out I was going, but you kind of went and stole my thunder by admitting to it first.
Well played, Aarons. Well played.
14. Liz @ Peace, Love & Guacamole | August 12th, 2010 at 10:05 am
This is EXACTLY why I didn’t attend…I just can’t bear the thought of intimidating so many people with my fabulousness.
15. Lisa Rae @smacksy | August 12th, 2010 at 10:07 am
Of course! Your famousness! Now I understand why everyone was staring and pointing at you on the dance floor. It had nothing to do with your wicked Jazzercise influenced moves.
16. TheMom(aka Amy) | August 12th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Wait a minute! Jimmy Dean Sausage Alarms. They had Jimmy Dean Sausage Alarms at BlogHer10. Christ on a Cracker, had I known I would have gone. WTF, they should advertise these things.
BTW I don’t talk to anyone. I am a strick anti-socialitarian.
17. Marketing Mommy | August 12th, 2010 at 10:15 am
Thank you for helping me relive my brush with fame. I’m so glad I haven’t showered since you shook my hand.
18. cindy w | August 12th, 2010 at 10:37 am
I was having this conversation with somebody right after BlogHer: being “famous” in blogging circles is sort of like being the world’s most famous accordion player. It’s really only relevant to a very small subset of people; nobody else gives a crap.
But you just watch & see – I’m going to TRIPLE your $0.00 that you made on your blog this year! So there! Ha!
19. WA | August 12th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Perhaps I should also mention that the reason I don’t look anyone in the eye is because it usually has the tendency to destroy weaker souls than mine.
Just ask my former roommate Tina Yothers.
20. Kate Coveny Hood | August 12th, 2010 at 10:48 am
Wendi – you are so funny. You should totally start a humor blog. Maybe even two. I personally found you charming. Even after Ann punched me in the side of my head and stole my sausage clock. Seriously though – you are good people. Loved meeting you.
21. marathonmom | August 12th, 2010 at 11:23 am
I snubbed all you bitches and went to the beach instead.
22. Nicole | August 12th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Well, I was clearly so low down on the blogger totem pole that I didn’t even get snubbed by you. Now I am offended. I’m a tad dissapointed at the lack of opportunity to sideswipe a baby in the grab for the spanx.
23. Mandy | August 12th, 2010 at 12:07 pm
Now I understand why you’ve passed up my repeated requests to cuddle with you. Makes perfect sense. Thanks for putting me in my rightful place, Wendi. I have much to learn from you.
24. When Pigs Fly | August 12th, 2010 at 12:13 pm
That many women in one place and no drama, I would be astounded. Us blogging women are so incredibly vain. I guess that’s what happens when you are making the big money or getting free Spanx. I need to find a party with swag like that.
25. anymommy | August 12th, 2010 at 12:36 pm
This is awesome. I just reiterate everything I said on that brief cab ride. And damn, I wish I’d realized how lucky I was at the time.
26. Shelly | August 12th, 2010 at 12:39 pm
So that was YOU who stole my Jimmy Dean alarm clock? You bitch! No really, I’m sorry I missed you in NYC this year.
Is Kato Kaelin still alive? In the public? Because that would just be wrong.
27. Becky | August 12th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
So funny, I am dying! Just try to take my sausage alarm clock and I will cut a bitch!
Wendi, I shook your hand at the MH party and you utterly failed to snub me. Apparently I didn’t get the full BlogHer experience!
28. Cheryl | August 12th, 2010 at 1:36 pm
Who’s Kato Kaelin? What are Spanx?
These are just 2 of the myriad reasons why I’m not allowed outside a 10 mile radius of my home. Unfortunately for all those who attended BlogHer10, that radius does not include NYC. To all of you who felt snubbed by my lack of attendance, now you know.
29. Surfie | August 12th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
Wait, I’d like to hear more about this Jimmy Dean alarm clock. Does it wake you up with the smell of sizzling sausage? Because that would be awesome. The only thing more awesome would be if it woke up with the smell of sizzling bacon. Mmmmm…bacon.
30. Deb | August 12th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
See, and I believed the rumor that you were so standoffish because of the rumor that you were blowing the Typepad guy to boost your page view stats! That will teach me to judge!
31. Brooke | August 12th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Double your advertising profits? Way to think big! *high five*
32. Heather of the EO | August 12th, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I’m so excited right now. Cause I just realized I must be famous. I got to sit by you at lunch AND you were kind to me. If I were a nobody you totally would have treated me like a nobody. This is so great. Now I can hire some people to neck punch all my fans. WHAT FUN!
(I loved talking with you.) (No longer being sarcastic when I say that.)
33. Bitchin' Amy | August 12th, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Oh, were you there?
I must’ve missed you as I sailed between more important events and the upper-echelon of blogging royalty-types. (I don’t fuck around with second-tier duchesses or countesses, you know.)
34. mosey | August 12th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Thanks for giving me the guidelines for next year so that I too can be a BFD blogger. (For what it’s worth, you were awfully sweet to me when I met you at the Mouthy Housewives partay.)
35. muffintopmommy | August 12th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Free spanx? Damn, I really should have gone!
36. Jill | August 12th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
You win. Calling “uncle”.
37. The Flying Chalupa | August 12th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
“My swollen ego” sentence – best ever.
And I’m coming to get you, Wendi Aarons. I could be standing outside your window right now. Me and my wily cohorts, Hoi and Polloi.
Except I guess I’m at the computer. But I’ll be there tomorrow.
38. alexandra | August 12th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
Yeah, Wendi, my neck still hurts and all I wanted to ask you is how you got those perfect pores.
39. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings | August 13th, 2010 at 5:10 am
Uh…is this a bad time to mention I’m stalking you?
(I seriously can’t believe you snubbed those people. You are a beeeyotch!)
40. Diane | August 13th, 2010 at 6:28 am
Gigi’s right – she does pay in wine. And if it’s any consolation from alienating most of your fan base, at least you have a new muse in Bruce Jenner.
41. Becky (Princess Mikkimoto) | August 13th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Oh sweet heavens above, THIS is why I love you.
I mean if you’ll have me Your Majesty. *bowing gracefully at your feet*
42. vodkamom | August 13th, 2010 at 8:22 am
I”d like to make a comment but I feel compelled to snub.
43. Rene Foran | August 13th, 2010 at 8:44 am
Oh God, I was soo your cake bitch after hoi polloi…
Rene
Not The Rockefellers
44. LuckyLottieLou | August 13th, 2010 at 9:18 am
Damn. You made more money than I did. I hate that.
45. Hollywood Farm | August 13th, 2010 at 9:25 am
Ding ding ding! I too have made 00.00 on my blog! Cheers for not being successful bloggers! Cheers cheers for finding the laughter in that very sad statement!
46. Diane | August 13th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Oh god, that made me make some really unattractive noises. Through laughter, I should clarify. (I made $0 from MY blog, too! I’m hop)ing for 10c next year, though. Aim high.
I do think some high-profile bloggers are actually quite shy and uncomfortable in crowds (internet attention is much easier to deal with than the real kind, and I know I’d rather talk to people online than in like, life) but maybe some just want to be in their own little clique, in which case, screw ‘em.
Where my friends are is where the cool kids are, I say.
47. Julie N. @ StageMama.com | August 13th, 2010 at 9:48 am
Hi, It’s Wendi’s handler.
I’m from Jersey. Yessiree, I do a mean neck punch (not to mention my table throwing skills learned from Housewives of NJ totally rock)so you’ll understand why I feel deeply that I honor and protect the superior fabulousness that is in the Wendi snub.
48. Aunt Becky | August 13th, 2010 at 10:25 am
You stole my fucking alarm clock, you bitch.
49. CSY | August 13th, 2010 at 12:03 pm
There was DRAMA at BlogHer?!?! SO glad I’m not famous (or infamous for that matter, but I’m working on that), I’d have to write an apology snub letter, too. But uh, Wendi – I really don’t NEED the Jimmy Dean alarm clock – my Jacob one works just fine. He takes his shirt off when its time to get out of bed…wait a minute – that’s not right…
50. Elizabeth | August 13th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Yeah, well, my EIGHT readers (count ‘em) and I were far too busy for the likes of you and your partying ways. We had naps to take.
51. Plano Mom | August 13th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
People make money at this?
52. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake | August 14th, 2010 at 9:15 am
Hrmpf! So you’re going to keep all of those free Spanx to yourself and not share any with me. That’s fine! You may try to double your $0.00 earnings from last, but I’ll have you to know I doubled that amount 2 years ago! Clearly I am superior.
53. Gretchen | August 14th, 2010 at 9:40 am
I’m thinking that “fear of snub” is the reason so few people came up to me and asked me for my autograph. Probably all for the best.
I for one, thought that you were very lovely, and treated all the little people (mmm…me) with respect.
Now where’s my damned vacuum cleaner?!
54. Sophie@Fabrications | August 14th, 2010 at 11:07 am
My chest is bigger. Considerably bigger. Also, I don’t need spanx. I live in the middle east, where we’re damn well EXPECTED to have a middle-eastern figure.
Do you think I can snub other bloggers, too?
55. Twenty Four At Heart | August 14th, 2010 at 11:27 am
You got FIVE pairs of Spanx?
56. Allison Zapata | August 14th, 2010 at 11:36 am
This is awesome
57. phd in yogurtry | August 14th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
I was in NYC the weekend previous – so a week away from being snubbed by you. Damn!
58. Andrea P. | August 14th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Did someone earlier in the comments section say bacon? Once I read that, I forgot my witty and sarcastic remark to this hilarious post. Once I was back on earth and remembered my own comment, I read another comment above that mentioned Jacob taking off his shirt as an alarm instead of a Jimmy Dean sausage clock…now I am totally distracted and cannot remember a damn thing.
59. Shelli | August 15th, 2010 at 9:09 am
See, this is why I can’t be bothered to go to BlogHer. All those A-list bloggers would be clamoring to talk to me and, with a blog as small as mine, I just cannot take time to talk to them or autograph their boobies.
60. Cassie | August 15th, 2010 at 10:11 am
I think you should blog about Barry more often.. that would send your vast readership into the zillions, I’m sure of it!
Your blog is one of my favorites, Wendi! I love it and recommend it all the time!
61. Tonya | August 15th, 2010 at 11:27 am
While you were quite lovely to me I am going to have to turn you into Child Services for your reference to the shirtless werewolf.
62. KLZ | August 16th, 2010 at 2:57 pm
Is there a list of shirtless teenage werewolves on Twitter that I can follow? Just…asking….for no particular reason.
63. Andrea P. | August 16th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
The shirtless werewolf turned 18 back in February. Our comments are legal…phew. Wrong? Probably.
64. Pauline | August 17th, 2010 at 9:54 am
“Because of my huge, incredible blog, I regularly receive perks like half-eaten sandwiches and used tissues.”
LOL! You truely are living the dream!
I didn’t go to BlogHer, but I have heard about this before. The fact that some women were actually snubbing other bloggers because they get more feedback makes me laugh! People are crazy!
65. Neil | August 17th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
Shit, if I knew you were so small, I wouldn’t have bothered to talk with you at all.
66. Di@PowderRoomGraffiti | August 18th, 2010 at 8:52 am
It was great to see you (and meet Voices of the Century Marinka) in all your fabulousness – although I’m now gutted that I unwittingly gave away my iconic Jimmy Dean alarm clock (in the mistaken belief that it had something to do with ‘James Dean’s sausage’ ewwwww). If I’d only realised it’s true value, I could have traded it for some Spanx.
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