A Life-Changing Comment
February 7th, 2010
If you’ve ever left a comment on my blog, you hopefully know that I usually try to send you a personal reply. I figure it’s the least I can do after someone’s suffered through a masterwork like “If Horton Lived In My Neighborhood.” Oh, yes, indeedy, I’m a giver.
But recently, I got a very lovely, very thoughtful comment in my inbox that was so special, I wanted to answer it publicly. The comment appears to be from an international gentleman who has obviously spent a lot of time reading my blog. And while it’s sort of weird to admit this, I have to say that it was immediately obvious this mysterious man just “gets me.” He really gets me. (Sorry, but I’m tearing up a little. I get really emotional when I write about this.)
While my “Angel de Commento” didn’t write much, in the precious, few sentences he did leave for me, he truly made me feel like he can see directly into my soul. My soul! I know it’s strange, but it’s like he and I now share a sacred bond that can never be broken. Ever. Not by man, not by God, not by a pack of pissed-off longshoremen after a three-day tequila bender in Reno. Yes, from now on, this man and I will be forever joined.
Anyway, I’ll stop blathering on, and simply share with you the words that have touched me so, so deeply:
To: wendiaarons
Excuse me. Nice, i hate this site, kill you. Help me! A Teenis ball machines, when the thing is even exchanged to internal or hard games of basic path cheap as machines and is released it provides an component. A Teenis ball machines, where can buy for fun and profeet? You die, me want! A for more semiconductor and open body, a even suspended scanning handheld is dedicated.
Best regards,
Berthold from Leone.
I know—-beautiful, isn’t it? (Sorry, I’m crying again! I’m such a wuss!) But after reading those words, don’t you feel like William Shakespeare himself rose from the dead to write an angry, illiterate death threat against me while also brazenly requesting that I help him locate a teenis ball machines for fun and profeet? I mean, my God, people, but that’s just pure, pure poetry right there. Pure poetry.
So Berthold from Leone, wherever you are (is Leone in the South of France? Switzerland? Ohio?), I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time out of your busy international sports business to contact me. Berthold, you have touched me. You have changed me.
But mostly, you’ve made me just install the toughest mothereffin’ SPAM filter I can get my hands on. And for that, my darling, I thank you.
Your friend,
Wendi
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
54 Comments
Add your own1. Lisa Rae @smacksy | February 7th, 2010 at 9:15 am
This is glorious!
Also – “teenis” rhymes with… wait, I’ll think of something.
2. Junk Drawer Kathy | February 7th, 2010 at 9:18 am
I can see how overcome with emotion this message would make you. For me, he would have had me at “You die, me want!”
Incidentally, your spam is way more fun than mine. Can we trade?
3. Amber | February 7th, 2010 at 9:20 am
I don’t get spam on my Blogger account…only on WordPress. Weird. And mine is NEVER as much fun as that
4. Marinka | February 7th, 2010 at 9:24 am
So, wait. He’s not going to inherit a tennis machine from you after he kills you?
5. hokgardner | February 7th, 2010 at 9:24 am
I think Leone is really Sarah Palin leaving you a fan note. That’s a true Palin-esque word salad if I’ve ever seen it.
6. ann | February 7th, 2010 at 9:28 am
Will my envy never cease?
Pining away,
Ann
7. eric | February 7th, 2010 at 9:34 am
That is one confused look into your soul!
8. Deborah | February 7th, 2010 at 10:05 am
I learned in Psych 101 that people are constantly telling us about their needs and desires. So I transalted his prose into poetry… revealing his needs…
Help me!
Teenis Semiconductor
Me want Open body
Suspended
Scanning
Handheld
Hard
Help me!
As we say in the South, “Bless his heart.” I bet he drives a really big truck with really big wheels.
9. chiefy | February 7th, 2010 at 10:05 am
hahahaha What the hell? I don’t even know. Is it some kind of poetry? This is what every poem on earth looks like to me.
10. Sophie | February 7th, 2010 at 10:17 am
I think Spammers prefer Blondes.
11. Andrea | February 7th, 2010 at 10:29 am
Oh I totally agree with hokgardner; it must be Sarah Palin. Because I am a second-year student in pharmacy school, I receive endless SPAM messages about getting drugs cheap. You know, since I apparently want to open my own drug store with illegally obtained medications, combined with a special “how to” section for each of the drugs I would be selling. I will not even repeat the Viagra-related stuff I am inundated with hourly. Man, really makes you not want to read your comments anymore, huh? I think I speak for the rest of us when I say “thanks” for answering us personally but if this dude ruined that for all of us, I say we find him and “keel him until he is dead from it.”
12. dg at diaryofamadbathroom | February 7th, 2010 at 10:35 am
Leone is very exotic. I think they do nothing but spam bloggers and play teenis.
13. Libby | February 7th, 2010 at 11:39 am
Sorry. I really shouldn’t drink before commenting on blogs.
14. Kelly, The Glass Dragonfly | February 7th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
“You die, me want” !!?? I’ve had some crazy spam, but this tops all of them…so far! It’s no wonder you were so moved.
15. ANN ELLE ALTMAN | February 7th, 2010 at 12:23 pm
I can’t believe people would actually write this and get away with it. Well, never mind, nothing should surprise us anymore.
So, to the unknown culprit: “You good grammar, man, me want!”
ann
16. Annje | February 7th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
He really has a way with words–very poetic. I hope he gives his English tutor the raise he clearly deserves. I have to say though, I am really confused about the Teenis ball machine…
17. Sarah M | February 7th, 2010 at 12:32 pm
A pack of pissed off longshoremen on a 3 day tequila bender in Reno????? LMBO…
My strange and twisted mind wants to know WHY they are in Reno???? What are they pissed off about…maybe because there IS no longshore in Reno??? What exactly IS a longshoreman? LOL…You totally crack me up.
I get some weird ones too…gotta wonder what they are achieving with all that weirdness.
18. zalaine | February 7th, 2010 at 12:59 pm
He needs to check his Shiny at the door. You Go Girl!
19. K | February 7th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
That really is quite a lovely comment.
Tennis balls and death threats. What could be better?
20. Surfie | February 7th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
And he has such nice manners, too. He starts with “Excuse me” and ends with “Best regards”. And I think he may have called you nice, in that sentence right before he said he hates your site and wants to kill you.
Maybe he’s from Sierra Leone? That comment kind of reminds me of the results when you try to have your computer translate your writing into another language. That can be fun to play with!
21. Angela | February 7th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Wow if this man looked into your soul, I have to say then Sarah M. looked into mine! As I was reading that was all I could think of too, why would they be in Reno since there isn’t a longshore, hehe.
It is like we are one mind in two separate bodies on separate islands…..
And I agree my spam is no where near as good as yours, at least yours I would enjoy reading…. mine I just delete, because really I don’t need virgra…. or any other little pill.
22. MarathonMom | February 7th, 2010 at 5:51 pm
Is he saying his balls are like a tennis machine, kind of like Martina Navratalova? Or maybe he swings in the Agassi way? Either way, whoa. I’d open up some Dom.
23. Shelly | February 7th, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Some girls get all the hot guys and their teenis ball machines. Geez.
24. mommy on the spot | February 7th, 2010 at 6:26 pm
Wow! That’s nuts! I agree with hokgardner. Maybe Sarahhad to blow off some steam after being that lame-ass key note speaker . . .
25. MsNuttaButtaBaby72 | February 7th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Now is the time I interject my most sound advice. Girl, you better run when you see crazy comin’! Hilarious
26. Verna | February 7th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
And here I was, thinking you had attracted a comment from someone who appreciates your writing more than I do. Well, I think he does, but it’s – ah – hard to tell – you know?
I once had a student in an English Comp class I taught who was kind enough to write a note to the head of the English Dept telling her how much he had learned in my class and that I had “swet” blood for him. Since you’re so good at deciphering compliments out of grammar garbage, what do you think? I’m beaming with pride.
Oh, wait – maybe Bertholde from Leone was one of my students . . . .
27. Mandy | February 7th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
Hahahaha. Teenis.
28. Amy | February 7th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
Simply lovely!
29. Anna Lefler | February 7th, 2010 at 11:18 pm
And that right there is further evidence why there is not a single decent French rock band on the planet.
A.
30. Mee2 | February 8th, 2010 at 12:14 am
LOL to some of the comments above. But, really? WTF was that? How in the heck could you even know that was spam? I’m still confused. I think.
31. Laura | February 8th, 2010 at 5:49 am
Oh, Leone. You poor, confused, little soul. Don’t you know better than to go commenting on a site where at least 30 random women are now going to rip on your little teenis??
32. Vel | February 8th, 2010 at 5:55 am
OMG I can’t believe I misspelled TENNIS! I’ll try to do beeter next time!
33. sarah Pekkanen | February 8th, 2010 at 6:42 am
Just in time for Valentine’s Day. And all I get is a stinkin’ box of chocolate.
34. connie | February 8th, 2010 at 6:45 am
Reminds me of the Monty Python skit about the Hungarian phrase book: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6D1YI-41ao
Retailers sell “My hovercraft is full of eels” t-shirts commemorating the mistranslation in the skit. Perhaps you could sell “A Teenis ball machines, where can buy for fun and profeet? You die, me want!” t-shirts
35. the mama bird diaries | February 8th, 2010 at 7:32 am
Some commenters just really feel like family don’t they?
36. johnomori | February 8th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Seems to me to be a rather sensitive soul himself who is grossly conflicted by feelings of passion for life (and tennis ball machines) and his own limitations on self-worth. Clearly the “die/death/killing” theme(s) are circular references to the feelings of inadequacy that result from the very limitations referenced. I say respond to him (or it).
37. Pauline | February 8th, 2010 at 10:24 am
Could you help me find a teenis ball machine for fun and profit too?
I’m not sure what a teenis ball machine is, but if it makes one happy and rich, then it must be good!
38. Ashley, the Accidental Olympian | February 8th, 2010 at 1:31 pm
What a lovely gentleman!
You Mrs. have ALL the luck.
39. Amanda Black | February 8th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
“You die, me want!” might be the pinnacle of human discourse. Nah, just kidding. This post made my day after a long Monday.
40. Laurie Kreitzer | February 8th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Well actually I thought you just sent me personal messages b/c, I don’t know, b/c I’m
me?
And I forwarded that Horton blog to everyone I knew, but unfortunately it was prior to me discovering fb so it wasn’t that many.
41. InvaderStu | February 9th, 2010 at 6:22 am
What fine spoken fellow. He sounds just like the kind of gentlemen I would like to exchange wittersims over while drinking tea.
42. Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels | February 9th, 2010 at 6:57 am
oh my. I sure hope this nutball isn’t in Switzerland. No way I am sharing this tiny country with someone that weird.
43. Grumble Girl | February 9th, 2010 at 7:20 am
Oh my. Teenis? Love it. Bwahahahahahahaaa!!
44. Princess Mikkimoto | February 9th, 2010 at 7:22 am
Wow… I mean. I can’t. This is just. You are a lucky woman. LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY.
Hold that comment close to your heart.
So Jealous,
Becky
45. peajaye | February 9th, 2010 at 10:00 am
I sorry. Me think it hairy bad futball crazy.
46. deb | February 9th, 2010 at 10:23 am
I’m sure he made you feel so special, I’m so jealous of your international friend!
47. Lynn from For Love or Funny | February 9th, 2010 at 10:51 am
Hell, no! Don’t install a spam filter, because that comment is pure GOLD! LOL!!!
48. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake | February 9th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
I think Berthold’s cousin stalks my blog.
49. Kendra | February 9th, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I just keep laughing and laughing, and then I had to try to explain to my 6-year-old why it was funny. He read it, and said, “That doesn’t make any sense” and walked away.
Someday he will understand the glory that is an offer of “a teenis ball machines.”
50. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings | February 10th, 2010 at 11:36 am
Me likee site. Me likee most. Snow falling. Falling hard. Hard is dirty word. LOL.
OK> seriously…this guy has visited my site too…had a different name, but I’m sure it was him. Block his butt.
51. Summer | February 10th, 2010 at 4:45 pm
Sheesh. All I ever get is links to porn sites. Clearly I must be doing something wrong.
52. Lulu and Moxley's Mom | February 10th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I think that guy would love my blog. Can you send him a link?
53. LadyWeasel | February 15th, 2010 at 12:42 pm
Just imagine if he ever attempted to write a haiku:
Teenis ball machines
suspended scanning handheld
Nice, i hate this site
54. Sarah LF | February 18th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
ARGH! I totally fell for it. I shoulda known.
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