I Think My Gingerbread House Is Being Repossesed
December 12th, 2009
Just follow the easy instructions:
And you’ll have a breathtaking Gingerbread House like this that’ll make your kids smile and cheer:
Unless you’re me and spend three effin’ hours on the “easy” instructions:
And wind up with a collapsed Gingerbread crack house that makes your kids cry and your husband go hide all of the pinot grigio:
Next year I’m renting.
__________________________
For more holiday cooking disasters, here’s my post on How To Make Gingerbread Men.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
55 Comments
Add your own1. Bejewell | December 12th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
A gingerbread crack house. Awesomeness.
2. Debbi | December 12th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Where are the little gingerhos?
3. Marinka | December 12th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
are you sure that you’re not Jewish?
4. Surfie | December 12th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
This is why I’ve never attempted to make a gingerbread house. Plus I figured I’d probably eat half of the construction materials halfway through assembly.
5. hokgardner | December 12th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
We tried one of those “easy” kits one year, and I mixed the icing too thin. Within minutes the roof had slid off and the sides collapsed. So we gave up and just ate all the candy.
6. peajaye | December 12th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
it kinda looks like one of those houses jimmy carter built.
7. Heather | December 12th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
I.am.peeing.my.pants.laughing.
8. Mirth | December 12th, 2009 at 7:56 pm
That reminds me, we haven’t made our gingerbread kit this year. We’ve done one of those kits every year since Master J was three. Every year it is a painful afternoon of me trying not to curse, scream and throw the whole thing away halfway through while Master J eats all the decor. Last year I got smart and sent the kit to my parents house so they could deal with the gingerbread train my son picked out. I knew there was no way it was happening at my house. My mom said “no way”. But my dad jumped in and offered to do it. It came out beautiful. Guess a master’s degree in engineering comes in handy in the world of gingerbread.
9. Aunt Becky | December 12th, 2009 at 8:00 pm
I’d take this post down if you ever want to work for Habitat for Humanity or something.
10. Laurie | December 12th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
The advantage with this craft is that if it fails, you get to eat it. Even a collapsed gingerbread house is good with tea. Just a warning though. If you try to make a Halloween gingerbread house and you get that much black frosting all dripped all over the gingerbread and it falls apart hopelessly, you can eat it. But black frosting will turn your poo kelly green. It is rather a shock.
11. Jen | December 12th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
My kids keep begging me to buy one of those kits and I keep worming my way out of it like the lazy mother I truly am. I’d rather go hit my head against a brick wall.
12. Sophie, Inzaburbs | December 12th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Oh but it was pretty before it fell down!
The trick is to glue the walls to a box. Of course nobody has a box lying around the same size as the kit do they? So I made my own gingerbread slabs one year and cut the walls to box size. Hurray! Did not fall down. Only problem is, it took all day and everybody knows (or should) that I don’t have all day.
This Christmas I am hoping my little angels will forget.
13. Amy | December 12th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
That is hysterical
14. Gretchen | December 13th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Oh my.
15. Junk Drawer Kathy | December 13th, 2009 at 4:21 am
If I were to ever construct a candy house of any kind, it would have walls made of Twinkies and a Ding Dong roof.
16. Meagan Lopez | December 13th, 2009 at 4:25 am
Never as easy as it seems. A good lesson in life.
17. christy | December 13th, 2009 at 5:27 am
I’m glad to see I’m not the only incompetent ginger bread house maker out there. Mine never make it as far as yours did!
18. Elisa | December 13th, 2009 at 8:45 am
I firmly believe that’s why people drink more during the holidays. The overdecorating, family visits, and the friggin’ CRAFTS.
Just use SuperGlue and call it a day. Tell the kids they can’t eat it, but at least it will stay up and be pretty. Kinda. Can’t have everything.
19. Lisa Rae @ smacksy | December 13th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Two words: Union Contractor
20. Jan | December 13th, 2009 at 10:58 am
ROFLMAO!!!
I don’t think foreclosed is the word…more like “condemned”!
A friend of ours used to host “gingerbread” house making parties. You would show up with your graham crackers and bags of candy. She and her husband would supply the cardboard bases and royal icing. Much easier than real gingerbread any day.
I would spend the afternoon sticking candy and graham crackers on ours, with the sporadic assistance of my children. The assistance that usually lasted all of 20 minutes before they got bored and went off to watch a movie. At the end of the afternoon, though, I had a truly magnificent house.
The problem was what to do with it. Frankly, it smelled horrible…an overpowering odor of SUGAR. I could not stand to have it in our house because it made me sick just smelling it. And I like sugar!
So I would take it to one of the kids’ schools and “donate” it. They were always thrilled to have it…as thrilled as I was to get rid of it!
21. Sophie | December 13th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Eating real-estate. Whatever will those Goyim think of next?
22. DG at Diaryofamadbathroom | December 13th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
The rule is that you get to eat whatever falls over. The other rule is that you get to wash it all down with Merlot.
23. Tammy | December 13th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
My kids make a Halloween gingerbread house a couple of years ago…they got the black and orange icing cut off too much in the bag…I refused to help…I played Pogo on the computer…at the end of the day ny son and his “then” girlfriend weren’t talking to each other, my daughter and other son were yelling at him to stop being so mean, all three of my kids and the girlfriend ended up in a yelling match, but the best part is when it ends up sitting on top of the dining room table for 2 weeks and you get tired of looking at it, you can “accidentally” fall on it while moving it and then you can throw it in the trash!
24. JD at I Do Things | December 13th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
I’d eat it. In fact, yours looks like it tastes better than the stupid picture on the box. Maybe next time just stack a bunch of donuts and pour Hershey’s syrup over them. Voila!
25. Sarah M | December 13th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Send that one to cake wrecks LOL.. I am dying at the Gingerbread crack house!!
26. Expat Mom | December 13th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Hmm. This was my big fear and the main reason I didn’t make gingerbread houses until this year. Then I had this great idea to make graham cracker houses, super simple, right? Then I felt guilty about being such a lazy mom and I made real gingerbread and my own patterns and the pieces warped and I forgot walls for one house and made extra roof pieces instead . . . but they ended up being very well received. Maybe next time just do your own royal icing, I swear that stuff is like concrete and it set in .2 seconds!
27. ann | December 13th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I bet it tasted good with the pinot grigio.
28. Anna Lefler | December 13th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
This looks like a job for Ty Pennington. And who knows? Maybe he’s got some more pinot grigio on that bus of his.
29. DM | December 13th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
This is pretty dang funny. All you need is a few gingerbread crack vials.
30. Strangel | December 13th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
-gasp!- I MADE ONE OF THOSE! It was the Halloween edition. I made it with my teen son (he’s slow and has dexterity issues, so it seemed like the PERFECT idea) a couple years ago. All I can say is THANK GOD it was a Halloween house cause while it *did* manage to remain four-walls-and-ceiling, every bloody piece was crooked from every other and the “paint” and “decor” looked rather like a black, green, orange, and white bomb had been allowed to go off, sending multistyle shrapnel into everything.
31. Love | December 13th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
See, this is why I love you. You’re keepin’ it real! There is no doubt in my mind that if I had even attempted such a feat like this, the outcome would be _exactly_ the same. Only my husband would bust out the wine and toast me with pride that I even attempted something something domestic. Where did you get that kit again?
32. Jen | December 13th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Awesome. Just. Awesome. I appreciate your hard work in making mine look good.
33. Andrea | December 14th, 2009 at 12:01 am
That’s the kit from Michael’s, right? My roommate, me and several of my pharmacy school classmates decided to each purchase one and attempt this one night, along with our imbibing in alcohol as grad students do. Everyone’s house turned out great, and my roommate’s house it still standing in our living room. I think drinking while making these stupid things is a requirement and the only way they will remain standing. Give it a try next time – pinot or whatever in one hand, icing in the other…and go to town. It works.
34. Laura | December 14th, 2009 at 4:54 am
Your title alone killed me! We have done these several times and let me tell you, it is a tough thing to put together. And they absolutely never look like the picture. I had a friend who actually had a gingerbread house making party for my 4 year olds (at the time). Needless to say, it was a disaster and our house was really a pile of ruins by the time we left! As was everyone else’s…
35. Krabies | December 14th, 2009 at 7:09 am
We made gingerbread house one year at home from a kit and as I was taking the picture it was falling down.
When I taught 5th grade we made gingerbread houses and invited parents to “help” the best was one year when a mom did the whole gingerbread house while her child begged mom let me help and the mom said No way I never got to make when of these when I was a kid and this is my chance!!Happy memories for all!
36. Hannah | December 14th, 2009 at 7:22 am
They make it look so easy don’t they? LOL.
Ah well, if at first you don’t succeed, eat the disappointing results and try, try again!
37. Amanda | December 14th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Publix makes assembled gingerbread houses so all you have to do is ice and decorate. Plus they are cheaper than the build your own kits.
38. Patty | December 14th, 2009 at 7:34 am
We had a neighbor lady when I was a kid who was very artistic, and spent one whole afternoon teaching five girls how to do one — from SCRATCH.
I dropped mine on the way home, and the trauma is still with me. My mother was going to throw it away, but my dad made royal icing and spackled the damned thing together, cracks and all.
You are a brave woman, and here’s a gallon of a good, strong, cheap virtual pinot grigio. Or a good slug of Maker’s Mark; your choice.
39. Cait | December 14th, 2009 at 9:47 am
It’s not a failed gingerbread house… It’s a show of moral support to those who have lost their homes in natural disasters? Or to the homeless? Or maybe just a modern interpretation of “house”?.. Either way, it tastes good. Mine was held together with duct tape.
40. Mwa | December 14th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Oh no! I’m so glad you didn’t build my house. You’d be toast if the wolf was after your piggies.
41. Crisanna | December 14th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Homewrecker. heh
42. Invader_Stu | December 14th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Now I have a mental image of ginger bread men in your run down ginger bread house, shooting up with candy cains.
43. karen from mentor | December 14th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Oh Gawd. A great big HA! escaped when I got to the third photo.[thank you]
We made a gingerbread house one time. It came out very pretty but as SOON as it was done we had to take a walk around the block because we were being overcome by sugar fumes.
44. Allison Zapata | December 14th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
I thought of this today when I saw a do it yourself kit at target. I kept right on walking towards the wine aisle
45. MommaB | December 14th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Hey Lady, I am pretty sure we had the same experience! I put a link on my regular blog, to my picture blog, where I documented our experience with a thousand sad, sad pictures!
46. Becky | December 14th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Just curious – was the general contractor of said Gingerbread establishment (a.k.a. “crack house”) under the influence of a certain Aarons Family Mindwiper Punch?
-Becky
47. Amy @ The Bitchin' Wives Club | December 14th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
They just don’t make gingerbread crack houses like they used to….
48. Suzanne | December 14th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
LOL! And it STILL looks better than any I’ve ever tried to make.
49. Beth | December 15th, 2009 at 4:17 am
Those darn things never work. And for good reason. Just like the pigs, we have to learn that houses built to last are made with bricks.
Still, I love the thought of a Gingerbread Crack house…
50. Jen | December 15th, 2009 at 6:20 am
Gingerbread crack house, I love it! I would have pounced on the Pinot Grigio too.
51. Karen | December 15th, 2009 at 7:03 am
It is not falling down, it is simply a representation of destructionist art. There are people who think that taking something apart and looking at it’s pieces is art. So have an art showing for your deconstructed gingerbread house, then you have an excuse for more wine!
52. Kendra | December 15th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
We made one every year when I was growing up. Perhaps it was that my dad knew how to make icing that was just the right consistency, but it was always fun, and every house was declared “the best one ever.” I think it also helped that we were pretty flexible with our expectations. I fondly remember the one year that it was covered in cheetos!
53. michaela | December 15th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
i bought the same freaking kit.
After the roof caved in a few times, i gave up.
and the candies gave me a headache. and the gingerbread chipped a tooth.
54. Jennifer | December 16th, 2009 at 5:51 am
I am so sorry for your pain but I am sure the kids will eat it anyways and I say display it in the front window. Say the gingerbread of our current economy.
I tried once…
nough’ said
55. Amy | December 16th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Ours fell apart too, but when you make it with a 4 yo there are secretly wishing it does fall apart so they can eat it. Which is exactly what we did. I thought it would taste awful, but I couldn’t stop eating it.
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