Hey, Sam! Saaa–ammm! Sam! Sam! Sam! Watch this, Sam!

Loud crash.

Was that funny, Sam? Did you like it when I did that, Sam? You did? Then watch this!

Loud crash.

Was that good, Sam? Want me to do it from the couch this time? OK, Sam, watch me! Watch me! Watch me!

Even louder crash, followed by the sound of breaking glass.

Ha, ha, ha! That was awesome, wasn’t it, Sam? Did you think that was funny? Then look at me again!

Random thumps and bumps.

Wasn’t that cool, Sam? Want me to do it again? This time….with mommy’s purse? You do? OK–watch!

Very, very loud crash, followed by a few seconds of shocked silence, then five solid minutes of an insane adult female screaming her head off about inappropriate behavior, homeowners insurance and why on Earth is it that she can’t have just one lousy minute alone to talk on the phone like the rest of America gets to do? She’s supposed to be a mother, not a glorified prison matron, for God’s sake. Then the adult female goes on to say something about needing to go get the Dustbuster and a trash bag before all of this crap gets ground into the carpet because then she’ll be REALLY upset, believe you me, which is immediately followed by the sound of two young boys desperately repeating, “I didn’t do it” over and over again.

Well, sorry, Sam, but I can’t do that anymore or mommy says she’ll put me in a time-out until I start to grow facial hair. So, I’d better not do it again, OK? Unless…you think I should.

Loud crash.

Ha, ha! That was awesome! Wasn’t it, Sam?