“Hi, Mrs. Johnson. I’m here to pick up Sam from school. Oh, I see the class had face painting today! That’s great! Wow—look at you, Mrs. Johnson! All painted up like a tiger. And you’re even wearing little tiger ears! I think someone’s husband is going to have themselves quite a wild night tonight, ifyouknowwhatImean, girlfriend! Grooowlll!”

(Long, uncomfortable silence.)

“Crap. Was that out loud?”

(Long, uncomfortable silence.)

“Guess this means I’ll be chaperoning the field trip to the waste treatment plant, huh?”

(Long, uncomfortable silence.)

“OK, well, see you tomorrow. BADASS TIGER LADY!”

(Long, uncomfortable silence.)

“That was out loud, too, wasn’t it?”

Wendi Aarons